I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
