I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
