he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
