I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
