Sponge bath it is.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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