We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
