so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
