Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
