farters have to be the big spoon...
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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