She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
