If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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