She is in my trunk
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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