Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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