I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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