Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
