you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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