the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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