How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
