I hate all girls vehemently.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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