I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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