$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
