3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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