shes about as inviting as chlamydia
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
