Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
NoShamevember. You game?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
