Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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