Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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