Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
The struggles of a small town man whore
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
