"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
