Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
