You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
