okay pat passed out under dana's car
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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