I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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