I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
