you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
not ubering you a puppy
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
