How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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