She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
