worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
So much rum. So many feels.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize