i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i think my mom watched the whole time
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
