and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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