fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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