I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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