My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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