I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
