so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
