Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize