Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I use my feet as sexual weapons
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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