Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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