if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
