There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
