its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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