btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize