The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
