none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
