So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
