She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
