I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
