I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
