Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
