you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
ttyl tear gas
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
