You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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