Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
