some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
