did you get engaged???
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
