i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
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