(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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