In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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