Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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