You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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